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Карапуз

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2005-05-27 03:16:37

Карапуз

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest president. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.

2005-05-27 03:17:18

Elrion

+))

2005-05-27 03:18:16 Лёшенька

гыыыыыыыы ну тупыыыые!

2005-05-29 00:24:48

Карапуз

А то =)))

2005-05-29 00:25:22

Городецкий

=))))))))))

2005-05-29 00:27:54

Wizardlex

=)))))))))

2005-05-29 00:40:47

ghaspar

мда)

2005-05-29 01:29:00

Adriano

эта пять
давай зачотку

2005-05-29 01:41:09

)))))))
Х ХХИХИХИ))))))
побольше бы атк анс ардовали )))))

2005-05-29 14:51:37

Карапуз

Скоро еще найду =)

2005-05-29 14:53:11

HubaBuba

ПОскорей бы.

2005-06-02 17:09:23

Карапуз

WORLD HISTORY BY STUDENTS

The following is a "history" collected by teachers throughout the United
States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you
will learn a lot of incorrect information.

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the
Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that
the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so areas of the dessert are
cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a
huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France
and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the
Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. On of their
children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to
sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's
birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be
patriarchs, but they did not take it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave
refuse to the Israelites.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them
to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get
the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in the Biblical
times. Soloman, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds
of columns - Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a
female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the
River Stynx until he became intollerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by
Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship
that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by
Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.
They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, the
threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government
of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands.
There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they
couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought
with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more
men.

Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans
because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the
guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he
was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would turture his
poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames. King Arthur
lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troops before the
Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was canonized by Bernard Shaw, and victims
of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided
that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In medevil time most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of
the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and versus and also wrote
literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an
apple while standing on his son's head.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their
human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for
selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by
a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interes in the female nude that made
him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and
discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a
historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important
invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the
world with a 100 foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking
difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the
"Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself
before her troops, they all shouted, "hurrah." Then her navy went out and
defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

The greatest write of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear
never made much money and is only famous because of his plays. He lived at
Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one
of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving
himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tried to convince
Macbeth to kill the Kind by attack his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an
example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was
Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John
Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise
Regained.

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great
navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships
were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims
crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress. When they landed
at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the Indians, who came down the hill
rolling their war hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porpoises on
their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their
cabooses, which proved very fatal for them. The winter of 1620 was a hard
one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain
John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in
their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post
without stamps. During the War, the Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing
balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing.
Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his
clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented
electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse devided
against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of
Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to
secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the
right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest president. Lincoln's mother died
in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said,
"In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address
while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He
also freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation, and the
Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan
would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. It
claimed it represented law and odor. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln
went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a
moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare
invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Graity was invented
by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are
falling off trees.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel
was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach
died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was
deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest
even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later
died for this.

France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished
before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French
Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the
crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. The the Spanish
gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon
became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He
wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she
couldn't bear children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the
East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She
sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her
life were exemplary of a great personality. Her death was the final event
which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The
invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus
McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of hundred men.
Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure
for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the
Species.

2005-06-02 17:12:41

ЛОООООООООООООООООЛ!!!! прочёл тока про египт, но и этого хватило!!! СУПЕР!!!

2005-06-02 18:56:02

уютный_носочек

а теперь представьте американская Heroes Leage...
Forum..

[Childmen]: Russian referat
In 1945 Kytyzov beat Napoleon.
[Тоmas] BOOOOHAHAAA...stupid russian pigs!!
[smileman] yeaah..comrades comrades!! =))) lol

2005-06-02 19:01:34

Принц

1.1. Общение участников игры в чате и на Форуме.
1.1.1. Постоянное использование капса; частые рекламные сообщения; использование иностранного языка без перевода; попрошайничество - молчанка от 1 часа / штраф от 1% ЛА / каторжные работы на срок от 1 трудодня.

2005-06-02 19:05:43

Иной

The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France
and Spain.

идиоты....

2005-06-02 19:17:05

Это настолько тупо, что даже не смешно...

2005-06-02 20:30:52

Adriano

When Elizabeth exposed herself
before her troops, they all shouted, "hurrah." Then her navy went out and
defeated the Spanish Armadillo."

багагага

The winter of 1620 was a hard
one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain
John Smith was responsible for all this.

муахахаха

Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

гыгыгыгы

2005-06-02 21:03:03

итиь твою мать((а ктоинт ьперевести енможет??((а т оу мя алергия на инглиш уже(((((((

2005-06-02 21:14:31

Jonny was born in 1987, and died before his mother put him in herself!

2005-06-02 22:53:02

Dima

WhoW!!! This is UMORA!

2005-06-05 03:18:16

Карапуз

Перевод?? Ща все будет ;)

2005-06-05 03:20:56

Карапуз

Не все, но все же:

Пирамиды были большими квадратными треугольниками. О` Сирис, бог, живший в пирамиде мог даровать вам послежизнь. Со временем египтяне утонули в пустыне.

Обратная сторона окраины востока была населена русскими, которые в это время не знали ничего. Одним из факторов было использование цилиндрического алфавита.

Шумерская культура, самая старая, началась за 3500 лет до Рождества. Людям дозволялись демократические свободы вроде взимания зуба за зуб и глаза за глаз.

История еврейского народа начинается с Авраама, Исаака и их 12 детей. Дзиудаизм был первой монолитической религией. В нём был один бог по имени «Яху». Пророки ветхого завета были Моисей и Конфуций.

Иисус Христос приказал Моисею вывести народ из Египта в пустыню Сахару. Сорок столетий спустя они прибыли в Канаду. Это и была обещанная земля молока и шоколада.

Книга Исхода описывает путешествия и удивительные вещи, включая 10 заповедей, различные спецэффекты и строительство Суэцкого канала.

Троянская война разразилась между греками и тори. Греки выиграли, потому что у них были деревянные кони, а троянцы сражались пешими.

Спартак возглавил восстание рабов, а позже снялся в фильме об этом.

Когда Цезаря убивали, он воскликнул: « И я, Брут!»

До рождения Христа христианство было одним из многих тайных культов.

Мария и Иосиф шли от гостиницы к гостинице, пытаясь найти место для рождения Иисуса, но им везде отказывали, потому что они были евреями.

Иоганн Кельвин Кляйн перевёл Библию на американский, чтобы люди Женевы могли её прочесть.

Игнатий Лойола основал орден иезуитов и множество других колледжей в США

2005-06-05 03:30:17

2x2

2005-06-05 09:52:10

Night_Hunter

Руллз! Тупые юсовцы!